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Right would be Pakistani, though someone from India might do. Baig prefers a doctor or lawyer, yet will accept other professions. He brags about his ability to discern a United States citizen over an immigrant whose status is more precarious by the confidence in his walk. And how can Mr. Baig tell if a candidate comes from a good family — if he prays daily, does not drink, and would not marry outside Islam? Just look at how he dresses. Baig said.
She has to like him, too. As his daughter approached graduation, Mr. Baig, a Queens wholesaler whose thin black beard adorns a pudgy face, had been on the lookout, going to the mosque more often, asking more acquaintances about their unwed children. But he had had little luck, so one Sunday last fall, he sat on the perimeter of a hotel conference room in Bayside, Queens, and watched as bachelor after bachelor sat across from his daughter, a beige veil draped over her plump face, for a few minutes of stilted conversation.
Speed dating is always a bit awkward. Take away the alcohol, invite parents to watch from the sidelines, and the ritual takes on the excruciating air of a middle-school dance. Now raise the stakes: Baig was one of many at the Bayside event who said that if a match was made, marriage could follow within a month. Islamic matrimony speed dating. It is a twice-yearly conclave started in by a Pakistani-American financial adviser from Long Island who was tired of being asked by Muslim clients if he knew anyone suitable for their children.
Family members like Mr. Baig were encouraged to observe the encounters. To drink: The women at Millanus events stay in the seats — stiff-backed, standard-issue seafoam-green upholstered hotel seats — while the men rotate among them. There are always more women: On this Sunday, one bachelorette wore knee-high leather boots and purple eye shadow; another, a long, elegant white dress. Many were draped in traditional Islamic attire; about a third were veiled.
These included Mr. To the men, she spoke softly and smiled rarely through what seemed like an endless series of nervous job interviews. Her father said Millanus offers a comfortable cultural mix: Throughout the two-hour dating round, Mr. Baig meticulously inspected the crop, criticizing a rotation of men for their style or walk, with particular disdain for a bald man in his 40s who wore a striped business shirt.
His focus intensified on a dapper year-old information technologist named Shahid Imtiaz with a chiseled jaw and black film-director glasses. He met his own wife the American way: Like himself, Marilyn came from a family and community in the Bronx where men and women are largely separated until marriage. Hers, however, was Jewish; Orthodox, in fact. They disowned her when she introduced them to her Muslim suitor. Only over the past two years, she said, have they begun to patch things up.
Now, Mrs. Mohsin, a geriatric social worker who is 53, blends easily among the women at Millanus, wearing a blue sequined shalwar kameez, a traditional Pakistani outfit. So as Mr. Many of his clients, Mr. At first, Mr. Mohsin could not resist the challenge. Then, he read an article in Newsweek about Jdate. He did what any curious entrepreneur might: He joined. Social events at most local mosques, including Sunday school, were segregated by gender; women and men rarely spoke face to face.
Like those proposing to build an Islamic community center near ground zero , he dreams of a secular hub where Muslims could interact in a Western social setting, like the Jewish Community Center. Muslims marry Muslims. Baig says he knows of 26 weddings so far that stemmed from his events. There has been some criticism from conservative religious leaders, who pleaded with Mr.
Mohsin to use teleconferencing, so men and women would meet via video chat, not in person. Still, the phone continues to ring. The other day it was the mother of an unmarried Pakistani doctor living in Arkansas. The mother does not use the Internet, but heard about Mr. Mohsin in the community. Her daughter, she said, does not meet Muslim men.
They want to attend the next Millanus, scheduled for March Mohsin advised the participants at the fall event. To break the ice, she distributed pink cards with handwritten questions. A man in pleated khakis and an oversize button-down shirt sat down across from a female law student. She had attended a dating event at a mosque in Seattle, but the men and women there had glared at each other from opposite sides of the room, unable to interact one on one.
No one seemed comfortable. One woman, a year-old doctor, was so outraged by the presence of a video journalist that she threatened to file a lawsuit if her image were broadcast, demanded a refund and left before the speed-dating started. Another, an Egyptian-born consultant, scouted the men from the hallway: Khan Muhammad, 52, came to support his year-old cousin from Maryland, but he remained wary.
When you live here, you must adapt. But with respect. View all New York Times newsletters. For example, she says, her Muslim friends at college are now starting to meet each other, not through families, but directly. Amna considers herself a liberal Muslim: But she wears a veil, which she fears deters liberal suitors. Sadaf, a year-old physician from Princeton, N.
Being a conservative Muslim woman with a successful career, she said, is challenging. There were two Muslim men in her medical school, and both were married. Men she meets at the mosque want wives who will stay at home, Sadaf said; the educated elite, she added, prefer Western women. Sadaf said her older sister, Sarah, long married, had dragged her to Millanus. Most exchanges sound more like business networking than a litmus test of personal chemistry. Another managed a convenience store. Of 30 men in the room, there were two lawyers and one doctor.
At intermission, about half of the participants went to a back room to offer their prayers. He did not mean Kool-Aid. Baig, who as promised, chased down Mr. Imtiaz, the lanky information technologist, who had come to the United States, alone, from Islamabad five years before. Imtiaz, looking down. Baig said, trying to reassure him. Imtiaz said, still looking down. Unconvinced, Mr. Baig went a step further in trying to impress. Imtiaz said. The daughter chimed in for the first time.
My school has a percent rate on the test. I will have a job by September. The mother did not say a word. She was busy stacking up empty cups. Baig said of the daughter. He turned to Mr. After several minutes of discussing whether the couple should stay in touch over e-mail or telephone, Mr. Imtiaz proposed calling on either Friday, Saturday or Sunday afternoon. Baig offered his consent. The two men embraced.
Half Our Deen NEW YORK Muslim Singles Event. Public. · Hosted by Half Deen. Interested. clock. Saturday, February 23, at PM EST. More than a. A speed dating event geared toward Muslim singles was held in a It is a twice- yearly conclave started in by a Pakistani-American.
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Right would be Pakistani, though someone from India might do. Baig prefers a doctor or lawyer, yet will accept other professions.
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I am liberal, independent, Western. A quick note about arranged marriages in South Asian Muslim culture: Professional matchmakers and house visits still exist, but the internet has made it easier for men, women, and of course their parents to cast a wide net and connect with people from all over the country who share their values and interests. This is what the average American would expect out of marriage. My parents are not thrilled with this idea.
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