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Being a single mother with a demanding, full-time job is not easy. Believe me, I should know because I have been a single parent since Being single is not a status, but a lifestyle and people should really stop looking down on single mothers. Heck, it was not my dream while I was studying that one day I'm going to be single mother.
I wanted to conquer the journalism industry. But life happens while we're making other plans and some men are fickle and as we like to say on the Cape Flats, "Hulle gaan seep koop en gly" which can be loosely translated to mean they leave us behind with children. So after leaving Joburg as a single mother, I moved to Cape Town to start a new life with my two boys. I also thought it was time to dabble in the dating field and see if I can make new friends.
Who knows? What i found was that when a single mother starts dating again, we are treated differently than women who don't have kids. First thing that I am always asked when I tell a guy that I have been single since is: Honestly, like I am a car that needs to be started every morning so the engine can still work. Another question that comes up too often is: Why do they assume that I - the woman - must have done something wrong?
Why do they always lay the blame on the woman for being a single mother? When a guy finds out that I have two boys, he will almost always ask: This boggles my mind What happened to chivalry? A guy once asked me: So I had to find out if I was simply a magnet for douchebags, or if other single moms are experiencing the same horrors. So I asked the women who are part of my singles group about their dating experiences as single moms.
I have two daughters, aged 25 and I got married when I turned My eldest daughter was three at the time. My ex-husband was my first boyfriend. We were raised that we must marry the man who "messed you up", got you pregnant. I saw cracks in our relationship before we got married, but I clung to the idea of getting married to my child's father. Needless to say, almost 10 years and another child later, we got divorced.
For a while after the divorce, I was stuck in the stigma of being a divorced single mom. Guys pursued me, and I went on a few dates, never more than once with the same guy. They seemed to be interested in only one thing. They couldn't understand why you don't want to give it up, you already have children. There might have been one or two who seemed different, but being the person I am, because of what I've been through, I just messed it up before it could even begin to develop into anything.
I also felt I could not bring another man into my house. I was raising two girls and their father was my first and only boyfriend. I am not closed to the idea of dating though. I'm a born again Christian, and if I do start dating again, I will not engage in premarital sex. I haven't had much luck on the dating scene for the past three years.
So I built up the courage to go on dating sites. Most men would ask me the usual questions initially: Some of the men I came across were more about not getting the attention they want and more concerned about the type of relationship you have with the father of your child. There was a guy I dated over a year ago. He and my daughter got along well for the first few months. But it was not long before things changed. He started being conniving.
Then the father of my child also became an issue. The drama was either my ex called too much or he wanted to see our child too much. Then he started accusing my ex of trying to sabotage our relationship. We would hardly go on dates as my daughter would always be an excuse. Men should stop thinking of themselves only and be open-minded when dating a woman with a child. My advice for guys wanting to date a single mother is to bond with the woman's child, because she will love you for it.
Yes, somehow they treat you as if you are desperate for a man. That you should be grateful that they have "chosen" you because they have so many other options. As if there is no one else that will find interest in you, because you are a mother. So they treat you like they feel sorry for you. Then there is the way thats men sometimes are irritable with your chidren. This is very strange, because they know from the start that you are mom.
Katia says some men treat single moms different as they feel that we are needy, or unable to find any other man because we have children. What they don't realise is that we are independent and we are not looking for father figures as our children do have father. We are mainly looking for someone that will love us and will complete our little family, someone who is strong and willing to listen. Some men are looking for women who can go out clubbing all night and that have no responsibility, thus they lose respect for us women who want to stay at home and watch a movie with our children.
We are strong independent single parents and that scares men. Some people envy us because we can take the place of a woman and a man at the same time. Sometimes our children have different personalities, and they go through different phases. Men like to say you're not a good parent, or you should be harder on the child etc. And as far as I am concerned we have done a damn good job.
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Divorce or the dissolution of marriage in South African law refers to the termination of a marital union, the canceling of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and the dissolving of the bonds of matrimony between a married couple. Divorce is unlike annulment , which declares the marriage null and void.
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Family law. Forfeiture of Assets in a Divorce. UK Divorce Laws. Marriage and Relationship Therapists. Spousal maintenance How to calculate Child Maintenance? Conflict and dispute-resolution mechanisms. Maintenance and Cohabitation Sample Cohabitation Agreement Engagement and the law Formalities for marriage in south africa.BEST Online Dating Sites For Divorcees And Mature Singles